Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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