i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
