It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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