Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
