I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
