hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
