Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
