Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
