we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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