I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
