i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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