I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
A+ Viking dick
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
