Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
