RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
