any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
