I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
