Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
