Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just cropdusted the office
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
