"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
