pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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