so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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