Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
