I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
