She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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