covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think I won the penis lottery.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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