At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
