Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
