all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
