My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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