I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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