I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
