Don't you send me to vm
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
