I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
