if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
