chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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