lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
