i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
