So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
