Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
