I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
