this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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