If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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