just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
