he wants to bone in the snuggie
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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