if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
