I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
