I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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