Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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