shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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