I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
