there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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